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Watch him crash down the steps like a third Chuckle Brother as he desperately tries to escape is the final humiliation after a catalogue of errors. Watching Ian for three whole minutes incites genuine physical pain as he simply has no idea what that red light means, tries to poke a metal rod in all sorts of incorrect places, reaches down in desperation, Mission Impossible-style, and generally just can’t fathom what the hell he’s doing – despite being told quite clearly and repeatedly what the aim of the game is.įrom this we can deduce that Ian should never be allowed near litter pickers, scaffolding or even ladders. So just how much of an infuriating twit do you have to be for your actions to lead Richard to smash his head against a door in genuine annoyance?
![play the crystal maze game play the crystal maze game](http://www.xtdos.com/thumbs/cmaze.jpg)
He gets frustrated, he shouts at incompetence, he gets exasperated at people’s slowness. Richard O’Brien sees a lot of stupidity in the maze. Didn’t matter though – he still didn’t manage it and got locked in anyway. With over a minute to go he grabbed at the cage like a rabid madman, trying to yank the mesh off and mutilate some poor game designer’s pride and joy.Īfter that failed, he went back to the cog approach and he finally figured it out. You had to put the cogs on the wall, turn the handle and move the candle to burn the string thus releasing the crystal.Īfter Simon spent half his time fiddling with the cogs he decided to ditch logic in favour of brute force. In the Medieval zone, he went into the game to be confronted by a pile of wooden cogs, a candle in a cage and a piece of string that had a crystal dangling from it.Įssentially, it was pretty obvious what was going on. If Andrew didn’t know that he had to bring the crystal out from that maze, what the hell did he think he was doing in there? 3. Essentially, he was a Crystal Maze hero.Įmerging bleary-eyed on his hands and knees through the tiny door, his elated teammates all applauded his incredible feat and there was only one question for Andrew. “Did you get it?!” they all excitedly exclaimed, as he – confused – said “no”, as he looked up at them like an apologetic dog. With just two minutes on the clock, Andrew located the crystal in a record 30 seconds and made it to the exit with a whole minute left to go. The Crystal Maze took on a literal meaning when rather dystopian scenes saw contestant Andrew trapped like a big confused mouse in a human-sized maze looking desperately for a crystal – and possibly his dignity. He was promptly dragged back in to the room by Richard O’Brien, who pressed that elusive U3 button in front of his face and showed him just what a numpty he’d been.
![play the crystal maze game play the crystal maze game](https://www.onrpg.com/wp-content/gallery/Crystal-Saga-II/Crystal-Saga-II-Equipment.png)
This nonsense went on for two solid minutes before he eventually gave up and left. Richard was told to look for U3 a staggering 18 times, but he still seemingly had no idea where to look or even what was going on. All while his teammates – and the Crystal Maze computer – all very clearly and succinctly shouted ‘PRESS U3!!’. What Richard then proceeded to do was wander aimlessly around the room looking for ‘U3’, despite it being on a big wall of numbers in front of him. After putting a tricky puzzle together, the number and letter ‘U3’ was spelt out. Weirdly the most tricky element proved to be a piece of piss for “Ricardo”, as host Richard O’Brien called him. Quite why he was rendered temporarily deaf and daft is anyone’s guess, but he did spectacularly cock up his three minutes in the Futuristic zone. Richard, or ‘U3 fail guy’ as he’s more widely known, had neither of those excuses. Sometimes the ‘advice’ the other Crystal Maze competitors yell through the little flap in the wall is either indecipherable, unhelpful or a mixture of the two.